A Bit of Puns

Posted in Fun, Culture/Linguistics

1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
2. To some - marriage is a word. To others - a sentence.
3. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
4. Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
5. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
6. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
7. I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
8. A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
9. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
11. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
12. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
13. Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
14. I met a girl at an internet cafe, but we didn’t click.
15. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
16. Stealing someone’s coffee is called ‘mugging’.
17. Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling.
18. I once thought about cloning a new, more efficient brain, but then I realized that I was getting a head of myself.
19. It’s better to love a short girl than not a tall.

Thanks to nicholas2306

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Posted on Fri 14 September 2012 english