Vulpo One

A Bit of Puns

  1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  2. To some - marriage is a word. To others - a sentence.
  3. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  4. Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
  5. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  6. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
  7. I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
  8. A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
  9. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
  10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
  11. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
  12. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  13. Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
  14. I met a girl at an internet cafe, but we didn’t click.
  15. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
  16. Stealing someone’s coffee is called ‘mugging’.
  17. Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling.
  18. I once thought about cloning a new, more efficient brain, but then I realized that I was getting a head of myself.
  19. It’s better to love a short girl than not a tall.

Thanks to nicholas2306